When a couple goes through a divorce, it is a very traumatic experience. It is important to keep in mind, however, that it is a painful event for everyone in the family, not just the couple who ended the marriage. When parents get a divorce, just about every aspect of their kid’s lives will also be impacted. What’s worse is that they typically feel like they have no control over the situation, which can make it hard to accept and adjust. The following five ways have been proven to work well for most kids. Read through and see which ones will be most helpful for your situation.
Keep Your Kids Informed
When kids go from having one home, one routine, and one set of rules to having at least two of each of these things, it can be quite confusing. They often feel lost and don’t know what to expect. In order to help them adjust, make sure both you and your ex are sharing information about what is going to be happening. It can be very helpful to make a calendar or other schedule that shows when they will be with each parent and what they will be doing at any given time.
Avoid Conflict Around the Kids
You should never fight with your ex around the children. This includes talking on the phone with them while the kids are around, or anything else. To the greatest extent possible, you should not let the kids see that you don’t get along in any way. This can help not only reduce the amount of stress they feel, but also give them a great example on how to interact with those who you don’t get along with.
Don’t Condemn Their Emotional Reactions
As you are undoubtedly aware, a divorce is a very painful event, emotionally speaking. The same is true for your children. If your kids are acting out emotionally, try to be understanding. Giving them a healthy way to deal with these emotions, and if necessary, having them work with a therapist, is going to be important. This can help them build up the ability to deal with many different emotional issues that they could face throughout their lives.
Your Kids Aren’t Messengers
It may seem easy to ask your kids to pass along some information to your ex, but it is inappropriate. This type of thing can also make your kids feel like they are simply a “go-between” with their parents, which is unhealthy. If you need to communicate with your ex, do it via phone, email, text, or see them in person. Let your children be children without adding on these extra worries.
Try to be Flexible
After a divorce, you will likely have a good parenting plan in place that outlines when the children should be where. It can be tempting to see yourself as being locked into the information in the plan, but that is not actually the case. You can be flexible with trading days or other things in order to accommodate the needs and desires of your children. Taking a step back and making sure that you are putting your children first in all your decisions will be best for everyone.
At the Law Office of John M. Totten, P.C., we’re here for you from start to finish, and beyond. Contact us today to schedule your consultation.
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