Here’s one often overlooked challenge of getting a divorce: everyone has something to say about it. While you may be going through one of the most tumultuous and vulnerable times of your entire life, everyone else loves to pop up and tell you how they never liked your spouse to begin with and how you filed with the wrong lawyer and what happened with their aunt’s divorce a decade ago.
To help you tune out the noise, here are 5 pieces of common, bad divorce advice that you should ignore at all costs:
Wait Until the Kids Go to College
It is actually way more detrimental to your child’s upbringing to stay in a broken relationship than it is to get a divorce. Neither of the options are great for your children, but subjecting them to a household of animosity is much worse than splitting their time between two loving households. Instead of teaching your children that marriage means fighting and resentment, show them that you should hold yourself to a high standard and accept responsibility when some adult relationships fail.
Don’t Feel Sorry for Yourself
You never have to feel bad for the way that you feel, no matter what way that is. If you feel sorry for yourself, don’t let anyone make you feel doubly bad about that. The same goes for “There’s no use in getting angry” or “You’re no fun since you started getting divorced.” The trick is to feel those emotions and then find healthy ways to move on from them, rather than living in those moments.
Hurry Up and Get Back Out There
It doesn’t matter if “you aren’t getting any younger” – the same thing was true when you got married the first time, and look what happened then. There is no rush to start dating or interacting with others until you feel comfortable with it. In fact, if you are too early in the divorce process, it may reflect poorly on you in the proceedings. Take your time and wait until you feel like you actually want to be in another relationship.
It Happens Overnight
Most divorces take at least a year to be finalized, especially if they are contested and head to court. Don’t burn yourself out too early in the process, and don’t feel like you are doing something wrong. If you are eager to get things done as efficiently as possible, talk to your lawyer about uncontested divorce.
You Can Do It Yourself
The most dangerous bad divorce advice is the kind that tells you to represent yourself in court. Trust us: you don’t want to try it. We’ve seen too many spouses try this approach and then ask for help from a lawyer down the line after they have already lost everything. For help with your divorce, contact John M. Totten, P.C. today! We believe in the power of representation.
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